


as time goes

by toziercore



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Author Projecting onto Richie Tozier, Childhood Memories, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, No Dialogue, Suicidal Thoughts, age isn't specified, kind of, no beta we die like men, this got quite sad actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29087862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toziercore/pseuds/toziercore
Summary: as time goes around a cycle and finds me,memories of you in this season comes to mind
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris
Kudos: 3





	as time goes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!! I've had a major writers block for ages, I'm so happy to finally be able to publish this.   
> the title and summary are from the song "as time goes" by jinsoul, it's a beautiful song, I really recommend it. 
> 
> This is really just self projection, I'm really sorry.  
> I think that this will just be a one-shot, I really don't have a plan on how to continue this but if I get any good ideas I might add more to it. 
> 
> Age isn't specified, but it's stated that Richie lives with his parents so take that as you will.
> 
> I think this is also where I add that I was listening to life goes on by bts while writing this, and I tried to write it like the song feels like to me, if that makes sense. Not that the plot and lyrics really have anything in common, but I tried to write the feeling of the instrumentals into this. I don't know if this makes any sense, I hope it does.
> 
> I should also add that english is not my first language, I've been studying english for seven years, so it's not perfect yet, but hopefully there's not too many mistakes.

A ray of sunlight shines through the curtains of Richie Tozier’s room. It hits the small particles of dust slowly flowing through the air, his desk with unfinished homework from last night and the black curls sticking out of the duvet cover on his bed. The boy squints as the sun hits his eyes and slowly reaches out to put on his glasses that he left on his nightstand before going to sleep. 

He can hear the birds sing outside his window, there’s barely any clouds on the blue sky. It’s a beautiful morning. Maybe it shouldn’t be called morning, It’s already 11am, he always wakes up late. He can hear the sound of children playing and riding their bikes outside, they’re laughing, they’re having fun. Just like he and his friends used to. He remembers what seemed like endless summers filled with laughter, and just so much happiness. They used to spend entire summer breaks just exploring all corners of derry, walking around in the deep forests. 

He remembers the summer where they first met Beverly, and Ben, and then Mike. They gained three friends to their friend group that summer. Even though they just met it felt like they had known each other for ages. They all had this special chemistry, a chemistry like that only happens once in a lifetime, he knows that. His connection with Eddie was definitely something special, something out of one of those slow-burn love story movies. Maybe if things didn’t turn out the way they did, that love story movie would have a happy end. He misses Eddie a lot, sometimes he wishes that he could go back in time to relive those beautiful memories. Like getting ice cream together, holding hands as they walked home at sunset, all those small moments that together made life so beautiful at that time.   
Things aren’t like that anymore. Life isn’t as beautiful as it was before. Things are darker now, not literally, the sky is bright blue and the sun is as light as ever, but it doesn’t feel the same. His mind is dark, everything gets a little more gray every day. Maybe things could’ve worked out, but fate is evil, fate is cruel, and just thinking about how he doesn’t have any control over it terrifies him. 

He hopes that maybe, Eddie is happier now, maybe he was lucky enough to find someone else. The thought hurts, it hurts so much. For Richie, he feels like nothing can replace Eddie, he was everything that Richie is not. He was pretty, he was nice, he was smart, he was perfect. He wouldn’t be surprised if he found out that the world actually revolves around him, because it felt like it did.  
He deserves the best, Richie thinks, and the best isn’t Richie, he deserves so much more than him. At some point, Richie thinks about if Eddie ever loved Richie as much as he loved Eddie, it seems impossible. There’s nothing special about him. There’s nothing to love. He’s just there, he exists, nothing else. And somehow, he was lucky enough to live at the same time as the most perfect boy ever. He almost laughs, there’s nothing he could have ever done in a past life to deserve being with Eddie, even if their time together wasn’t forever. 

A laugh from the neighbors kid interrupts his thoughts, maybe he should try to get up. His parents are probably waiting for him to come down, fake a smile and pretend like everything is perfect. He doesn’t know how long he can keep faking it, everything’s slowly falling apart more and more and he feels like there’s nothing he can do to stop it. The world is slowly caving in on him and tearing him apart, everything is too much. He wishes it all would stop, but there’s nothing you can do to stop time. Time always passes, everyone seems to heal, seems to be ok, everyone except for yourself. Everyone else is moving on, everyone else is moving on, it’s like he’s stuck. He can’t bring himself out of this horrible place. For one second he thinks that maybe it’s a sign that he shouldn’t stay here anymore, that he should finally give up. 

Everything seems to be going perfectly fine without him. The sun still goes up every morning, the world is still beautiful, life goes on without him. The flowers would still bloom next spring, those white flowers that his mother used to force him to go pick for her. He remembers how he used to force Stan to join him, because being alone inside that big forest was too scary. They used to walk along the long trail, listening to all the birds singing from the tree tops, every once in a while they’d stop to watch the birds. Stan loved the birds, you see. He always had. If he wanted to, he could probably list every single bird in the bird encyclopedia, if that exists, it probably does, Richie doesn’t know anything about birds. He knows a few names and what a few of Stans favourite birds look like, or at least he used to, he’s not sure if he can remember, it was a while ago now. 

Stan was definitely his best friend, except for Eddie. They were neighbors, Stan used to live right across the street, that’s how they became friends. At first, their parents had been so sure that they would never get along, they were polar opposites. Richie’s loud personality was completely different from Stanley. But turns out, they complemented each other perfectly. Since then, they have always stuck together, they went through all their ups and downs together. He was a great friend, really. Richie had many great friends, but Stan was something else. He hopes that he’s in a better place now, the world can be so overwhelming, he hopes that the afterlife is better, Stan deserved better. Richie wants to be in that better place too. 

Another laugh from outside echoes through his room and his mind. He decides that he should get up now, it’s almost lunch time. So he gets dressed quickly, just throwing on some pants and a sweater that were laying on the floor, he can’t find the energy to clean his room. He then walks down the stairs, and puts on that façade that he always wears. He knows that it isn’t healthy, to constantly repress his feelings. But he can’t bring himself to tell anyone, he doesn’t want to bother them. So instead, he buries it deep down in his mind. No one can ever know, he can’t even imagine how his mother would react if she found out what her son thinks about every day.   
He can’t do that to her, it’s probably better to hide it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! It's a little bit short, if I write something new soon I'll make sure to write more. I hope it at least was decent, feel free to leave a comment or kudos, I would really appreciate it. 
> 
> If you want to talk to me, my tumblr is elitheworld


End file.
